He's A Big Man

Nancy Martinez met Ron Jeremy at a MacDonalds drivethrough. He ordered his Angus burger “Supersize”. We tracked his consumer patterns with the help of his credit card. Jeremy orders “Extra Large” pizza, “Big Size” meals and “Venti-Grande-Big” soy-latte-no-fat-no-foam-no-lip drinks Starbucks.

At the dealer he decided the H2 wasn’t his style, he needed something with a little more room under the wheel and purchased a military grade Hummer with a 10.0 Triton V12 Diesel Engine. Currently being sued by Al Gore on behalf of the rain forest for sucking down 2 gallons per mile, Jeremy says he is going to settle for $1,000,000.

Ron confides secretly that he plans to make it up once the Gore twins have signed onto his next ‘film’.

The Man Who Won the Eating Contest

You can’t stop. Or at least one man can’t…

Paul Robertson is a man with a health disorder and a Lays Potatoe chip neurosis where her really can’t stop. Paul now weighs an astonishing 1200 pounds and is accumulating weight now at eleven ounces per day.

Suffering numerous insults such as Guiness Book offers and a spot on The View, Paul has moved into seclusion several times but the National Tabloid has managed to find him via satellite each time.