Men Pray for Cold Fusion and a Cold Drink

The Church of Christ the Scientist may hold the key Cold Fusion. Reverend Atom explains the secret.
“The Man was a scientist. So we pray to The Man for inpiration and divine intervention.” Atom explains.

In a demonstration we see a jar of water with a metal contraption strapped on. Four men praying on all sides, occasioning one gets up – eyes closed – and adjusts a valve. Soon bubbles stream out and the jar lights up.

Perhaps alternative power may be in our reach. But you may have to save your soul to get it.

Robert Paulson was struck 17 times by lighting on his way home early Monday morning. Amazingly, he survived and fell into a man hole stepping out of his car.

Getting a taxi to the hospital, it ran out of gas and stopped on the West Gate train tracks.  Being an old Crown Victoria, it had yet to have the childproofing removed so the doors didn’t open from the inside.

Paulson is survived by his three wives and a cat.

Three Smoken Wives

Can You Really Call It Winning?

After America beat the UK’s soccer match in a surprising twist, The United Kingdom demand Americans stop calling their language ‘English’.

“It sound nothing like proper English.” Britianlanders say. “Besides. You smell.”

Non Americans are soon to speak ‘American’ but even that has a hold. Native Americans are currently involved in a class action lawsuit scheduled for this Summer.

Courtesy Help Counting the Stars

Once our universe was thought to contain as little as 70,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 stars. But recently NASA has had to revise it’s esimates again.

“There are way more stars than we thought! Like, zillions!” Doctor Galakowitz explains.

“We were limited by the number of numbers in our counting system. But add Greek, Roman and Sesame Street prefixes and now we have way more numbers to count with. Count von Count has been a great help.”

Better Terms for the Benefit of Mankind

Due to the Sencible Speling movement, the following terms were deemeds unacceptable.

While ‘Obese’ was reverted back to the classic ‘Fatso’

Columbus Plans to Sail the Great Black

A radical thinker has propagated a new idea of space travel!

Dr. Chris Joseph is promoted that space is ‘three-dimensional’ and that people can fly any which way they want. Dr. Joseph has been laughed out of the scientific community.

“Joseph is what we call a ‘radical thinker’. Everyone knows that the universe is flat.”

But Joseph insists he can prove the age old theory is wrong by means of space travel.

“Yes, of course we would LIKE to see him try, but unfortunately space travel has been prohibited due to sun spots.”

And A Woman To Bring It To You

People got to the pubs, publically opened, and got drunk the day that Prohibition was reversed – so no one remembers the date. But it honor of that day we cannot remember, we all go out to get blasted!

Nuns host the long island ice tea drinking contest
The Irish hold pissing contests
The Scottish gets pissed off and fight, as usual
High school girls act clueless

To honor this occasion to legal drinking age has been reduced to 18 for 24 hours!

The Edge of Technology

The new multi-Petahertz was unleashed today expected to perform the work a a thousand other computers and replace hundreds of workers.

“The secret is in the human brain,” Engineers says. “Basically we make a literal duplicate.”

Scientists discovered the computer was intelligent when they asked it to calculate the total value of pi.
“No.” Was the only reply.

Parents go to bed, cats and dogs do whatever they do at night, and kids go to sleep while sugarplums dance in their heads.

Or do they?

Children everyone from all walks of life have been lured in by friends of Satan himself to engage in lewd acts including ‘chopping the head of an kobold cause I’m badass’.

Satanic Bible

No deaths have resulted and crime seems to be relatively unaffected. We just have our modern police department to thank for catching this early on.

Neurotoxin To Save Lives

The government has wrapped up a top-secret 20-year experiment involving a new new toxin.

Costs are mounting $3 Trillion dollars but they feel “You’ll be happy someday because of it”!

Obama reports that things are going well in the middle-east and with this agent will accelerate efforts dramatically.

The nerve toxin is reported to kill everyone on planet Earth if it reaches the air.

Tests begin Tuesday.